| On Being a Statistic |
I
swore I wouldn’t write about this. Enough people have listened to the
Jeanne’s-house-was-hit
story already.
I’ve talked about the horrible
experience of finding that someone has been inside your home,
rummaging through your
possessions and taking things precious to you that I’m nearly talked out.
Suffice it to say it’s a sickening
feeling.
Now to the aftermath.
Once you, the victim, come to grips with the
fact that you’ll probably never again see some of those
cherished
items like grandmother’s engagement ring and childhood memory-laden charm
bracelet,
you have to deal
with some pretty strong emotions.
And that’s the part that hangs around
the longest.
First, and as far as I’m concerned
foremost, is the anger.
Pure and simple rage.
The kind of anger that penetrates to the
core, where you’ve never felt such strong feelings of violence.
If the perpetrator
of the burglary of my home had been brought in to face me during the initial
hours
of the shock, I
can honestly say I wouldn’t have been responsible for what I did. There was
hot fury
in my heart, and
it hasn’t cooled a lot in the seventy-two hours since I discovered the crime
either.
Friends who have had the same experience
tell me it takes a long time to fade away.
The second emotion is sadness. A deep-down
feeling of betrayal and violation that is really hard
to put into words.
Sure, I’ve read about how victims of crime feel sullied, feel that
their rights, indeed their fundamental
rights to privacy
and ownership, have been violated, but it was impossible to truly comprehend
until
it happened to me.
This is my home. These are my
things. This is where I live with my children!
How dare anyone intrude?
Now, whenever I open a drawer or a closet,
whenever I dust over where a precious object once
stood, I remember
that some calloused criminal was there too.
It makes me ill to think of the
things I’ve cared for and loved being tossed, like so much junky
merchandise,
into a grab bag for quick resale.
It makes me shudder to think I might
actually know the person or persons responsible.
It makes me furious to contemplate
the possibility that someone carefully planned to deprive me of
things that have
value only to me.
It helps me to understand all those
people whose personal horror stories I’ve listened to without fully
comprehending the sense of loss, of devastation, of sadness.
Like so many before me and many who are still
to experience this tragedy, I’m imagining my
grandmother’s engagement ring, my stepfather’s high school class ring, my
locket from Dad
that was a
Christmas, 1945 gift … those things were part of me, melted down to provide a
day’s
worth of drugs for someone with no conscience, no conception of right or wrong.
I lie awake at night wondering
who could put someone else through that kind of personal hell …
for money!
I’ve learned something that
those who could be still to come might benefit from if they’d take
heed …
even though I never did.
Those valuable little things
you so casually leave at home (after all, it is your home!)
could very
easily be
gone sometime when you open the front door, so for the sake of having something
to
bequeath to
your children, keep them carefully and cleverly hidden.
You may, as I did, look at
some of the things you own and think, “No one will ever take this …
it’s
worthless to anyone but me!”
Wrong.
Even the worthless things, the
insignificant things, get swept into the loot bag when the top of a
dresser is
cleaned off.
Even if they’re really important
only to you, the lawless members of our society couldn’t care less.
They’ll be
gone along with everything that can be sold.
Our homes don’t really shelter us
anymore.
We’re vulnerable to those to whom
one’s privacy or ownership is meaningless.
We are surrounded by people that our
system is powerless to control.
Being a statistic has taught me all of this
very quickly. It’s been equivalent to all the civic lessons
a
school could dream up.
It’s left me knowing
that the law-abiding are at the mercy of the lawless.
It’s left me sad and fearful.
Most of all, it’s made
me angry.
All that … nothing more than the price of membership in a growing club of crime statistics.
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